October

October has arrived.  I should be starting my maternity leave at the end of this week.  I couldn't help but think at school today, that this should have been my last week of work until the end of January.  I would be wrapping things up and getting everything in order for a sub.  I wonder how big my belly would be….how excited we would be to welcome our little boy in possibly just a few short days….or maybe he would have arrived a week or two early.  But our sweet little October baby arrived long ago……much too soon.  And without a heartbeat.  I still miss him terribly.  I still tear up each day….usually driving to and from school.  Sometimes I still can't believe it's real, that this is my life now.  That my first pregnancy really ended the way it did.  It's not fair.  It never will be.  There is a hole in my heart that will never be filled.