17 months after losing our Daniel...Our sweet Madeline is 5 1/2 months old and everyone just oohs and ahhs over her anytime we go out...she is so adorable so of course I can't blame them! We talk a little, Maddie gives a big smile, and then they ask that question. "Is she your first?" Part of me wants to say no, part of me wonders why they would even ask that when Tyler and I are both there with her, and the other part just smiles and nods yes because I don't feel like making things awkward for the person asking. It still hurts though. I still feel that twinge and that little bit of guilt for saying "yes" because as amazing and wonderful and incredibly loved as Maddie is, she's not our first child. She just isn't.
I have to say though, that it is so good to feel joy again... a joy I've never known before...my heart is so full and happy when I hold my baby girl. Being a mom is definitely hard in a lot of ways...but even those most challenging moments are quickly put into perspective when I remember what a blessing it is to have her here and I am grateful for very moment with her...moments I will never have with her brother. 
