Happy

Just felt like writing a little tonight...I sometimes still go back at look at the blogs I followed in my deepest time of grief...that gave me some consolation to know I was not alone and hope for a rainbow baby. I have to say, at this moment I felt the neee to write just how happy and full of joy my heart is. There is always going to be a part of me that misses Daniel and wonder what he would be like and what life would have been like with him growing up here with us. The scars remain, but the wounds are healed. If someone would have told me 2 years ago that I could be this happy I would have said yeah right...no way.  I was too sad...I couldn't see beyond my tears and the pain was too fresh. I am so grateful to be able to spend my entire summer days with my sweet girl and marvel at every new thing she learns and every cute thing she does. She is incredible and makes me so happy. I am so thankful for my family.

Untitled

I couldn't think of a title for this post....I am just so sad for another person who has experienced the loss of her baby. The daughter of a fellow teacher lost her baby at 18 weeks recently. When she told me, all the raw grief of losing Daniel came rushing back in an instant.  I remember so vividly what those first days and weeks were like. The feeling emptiness in my body...the feeling of helplessness...the worst imaginable pain and heartache greater than I ever thought possible.  There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of Daniel...but even more so now. My heart still aches and my arms still long to hold him. Such a precious life that I was privleged to carry.