My Necklace

A few weeks before we lost Daniel, Tyler and I had gone into the jewelry store where we had gotten our wedding bands to get them cleaned.  Of course a girl can't help but look around at all of the sparkly things when she's in a jewelry store!  I was looking at the necklaces and thought it would be nice to have a necklace with our baby's birthstone in it.  Of course at this time we thought Daniel would be arriving in October, maybe he would come a little early in September, but NOT May.  I had hinted to Tyler at the time that a necklace with his birthstone would be a nice Christmas present.....after all, we had thought that our baby would be with us for the Holidays this year....yet another dream crushed.  I think one of the things that hurts most about all of this is that we will never get to have any of those experiences together with Daniel.  No putting up the Christmas tree together, no family dinners, NOTHING.  We have been robbed of all of the wonderful things we had looked forward to doing with Daniel.  Yes, we hope to have more children and experience those things with them.  But Daniel can never be replaced.....we will never get those experiences with him.  And it hurts SO much.

A few weeks before my birthday Tyler asked me what I wanted.  Of course all I really wanted for a birthday gift was to have my baby boy back, growing in my belly.  Unfortunately I know that is a gift I will never get.  Since this is my life now, I try to do what I can to bring myself little bits of comfort, even though I know my pain will never completely go away.  I decided that I still wanted a necklace with Daniel's birthstone.  I knew I didn't want to go to jewelry stores and start looking....inevitably someone would ask what we were looking for and why we were looking for it.  So, I started looking online.  Coincidentally (or maybe not) I found the perfect pendant online at the same jewelry store Tyler had gotten my engagement ring and we had bought our wedding bands. (Dean's Jewelry)  It is my mother-child pendant.  I ordered it and picked it up this past Saturday.  I picked out a chain to go with it while we were there....the woman at the store showed me an adjustable chain so I can wear it always, and adjust the length depending on my clothing.  I love it.  I know Daniel is with me always, but this just makes him feel a little bit closer.