Fridays

It is Friday.  All week I look forward to the weekend….but then when it finally arrives I feel such intense sadness again.  I guess because all week I am busy and making sure my students are taken care of….Friday hits and then I realize again I have more time to think about me.  I do look forward to catching up on sleep and spending time with Tyler on the weekends, but it's hard to have down time and be missing Daniel terribly.

Today was a particularly tough Friday.  I thought about Daniel nearly every minute of the day.  The day started off by receiving yet another all-staff email from a colleague that she is pregnant.  This is the 4th email in a month.  I get that it is a really happy time for them…..but I just don't see how they can seem so worry free.  Maybe they aren't….but that's the impression I get.  It seems even after knowing what happened to me, everyone is still under the impression that you are somehow "safe" once you pass that magical point of your first trimester ending.  I certainly hope they are and don't have to ever endure the heartache that I have.  I have been avoiding the staff lounge like the plague and just eating lunch in my room because the thought of being around baby talk is just way more than I can handle.  I know I can't expect the rest of the world to stop turning because it feels like mine has…..but sometimes I think it should.