A different perspective

I was thinking about all of the people I've met either online or in person and all of the stories I've read as a result of losing Daniel.  I realized how much my perspective has changed in the past few months.  My perspective about everything really…..but one thing in particular is our society's view on others having children.  People just casually ask, "So, are you thinking about having children anytime soon?" or, "I bet so and so would really love a little brother or sister." I remember being at a baby shower once and someone at the table I was sitting at asked another girl if she had any kids.  The girl said no, and then the other person said something along the lines of, "Well, you'll be next!"  The girl just kind of got quiet and looked away.

I used to not think much of these comments and honestly I didn't see why some people got so offended.  I'm ashamed to say that I assumed that if people didn't have children, it was because they didn't want them.  Oh my goodness how much perspective has changed……….not wanting children could certainly be a possibility, but now I have realized that there are SO many more reasons why a couple might not have children.  Heartbreaking reasons.  Maybe they struggle with infertility. Maybe they lost their baby like I did.  Maybe they have had multiple miscarriages and are too weary to try again.

Back in June, we went away for our 3rd wedding anniversary and I got a massage at our hotel.  The masseuse was making small talk and when she found out we had been married for 3 years, she asked if we were planning on starting a family anytime soon.  I was very blunt and honest.  "Umm….we tried.  Our son died when I was 5 months pregnant."  She was pretty compassionate and told me a story about her friend who suffered multiple early losses.  But still…..why do people think they can just ask such a personal and private question like it is no big deal?!  I used to be one of those people…..so I guess I see why.  They don't know any better.  They think they are asking a harmless question.  They don't realize what a big deal it really is.  So, for anyone who may read this that hasn't suffered a loss, think twice before you ask someone that question.  You never know what their journey is about.