Days like these are tough

It's days like these that I miss Daniel the most.  A whole Saturday, with nothing much to do except think about how much I miss my little boy.  Tyler had to work today so I am home by myself.  Poor guy, he is sick and I really wish he could have stayed home today for that reason especially.

I finally worked up the motivation to shower, get dressed, go get gas, go to the bank, and take a walk.  But really, I was feeling so down that I didn't feel like doing anything.  A friend was having a party this evening….I thought about going, but didn't feel up to it.  It takes a lot of energy for me to be in social situations since losing my baby.  It's hard to put on that happy face and make small talk.  It especially makes me uneasy to be around people who don't know about my loss because I dread they may ask if I have any children.  I haven't had to deal with that one yet.  I'm sure it will come up eventually…..but I'm glad I have avoided it thus far.  It shouldn't be this way.  I should be taking care of my newborn son today and dealing with every joy and challenge that a new baby brings.