I still cry for you, Daniel

Lately the tears have been catching me more frequently.  I'm not sure what it is….maybe it's the holiday season and knowing that our little boy should have been here celebrating with us, maybe it's the stronger movements I feel with our baby girl and knowing I never felt those strong kicks with Daniel, maybe it's seeing a baby boy once in awhile that is about the same age Daniel would be now.  Whatever it is that seems to trigger the tears lately, it's a painful reminder that I will carry this hurt for the rest of my life.  As much as it still hurts, I am grateful for the joy this little girl has brought us and will continue to bring us.  She is truly a blessing and I love her SO much.  Hoping these next 4 months go fast because I am excited to enjoy my baby girl.  I've learned that hurt and joy coexist….they have to.  I feel both at the same time, every minute of every day.