Tears & Still Angry

Sometimes I think I couldn't possibly have any more tears left.  But there are always more.  Lately, they have come when I least expect it.  I like to be in control of myself and I like having plans.  It takes me by surprise when something unexpected happens and triggers the tears.  The tears are healing, but I feel so helpless when they do come.  I felt like I had regressed a bit this week.  Last night, I thought I would try and re-read parts of Empty Arms because I had read it so soon after Daniel died that it just seems like a blur.  I was looking for some comfort and words of wisdom.  As I read through some of the pages and came across the scripture the author had included to be comforting, I just started feeling worse.  This week has been full of the questions that I thought I had moved past, like: Why us? It's not fair!  Why did God let this happen?  I SPECIFICALLY prayed for a healthy baby (lots of other people did for us too) every day since I found out I was pregnant - why were those prayers denied? Why weren't they good enough?  Does God even care that I am so sad?  Does it even do any good to pray for another baby when our previous prayers were answered with what feels like a slap-in-the-face "No"?  It sure would be nice if someone could answer those questions!!  To be fair, there have been times when I have felt God's grace and love through the kindness of others.  And I have still been praying…..not sure if my prayers will be answered in the way that I want them to be, but it can't hurt to still ask.